HOW SAD CAN IT BE?

My former sister-in-law called me yesterday to tell me that my ex-husband, her brother, is in the hospital and not doing very well. Most of his organs seem to be shutting down on him, and while they expect him to pull through this time, it is only a matter of time before he dies. It's a slow painful death for him, and it's suicide. You see, he's drinking himself to death.

I could hear the pain and frustration in Therese's voice as she told me how she had tried to have Butch committed into rehab, but Illinois has changed the laws there and you can't have someone committed against their will anymore. It's perfectly fine for them to put a loaded whiskey bottle to their heads and pull the trigger. No one seems to care...no one except the family and friends of the person who is chained to the ugly addiction of alcohol. MY SON cares...because this is his father. The man, who while noticeably absent from most of Jake's life, gave life to him. Held him as a baby, rocked him and loved him.

Jake doesn't really know Butch anymore, and that in some part is my fault, you see, when I joined the church, I knew I needed to have this gospel in my life and the lives of my children more than anything else in the world, so I pulled up stakes and moved to Utah. Butch made a big stink about me doing that at first and part of our solution was that Jake would fly back and spend summers with Butch...this only happened once to my recollection. Jake rarely ever heard from his father after that, but his Aunt Therese and his Grandma Virginia did all they could to keep in touch with him and with me. Sadly Jake's Grandma passed away just a few months ago.

The really tragic thing in all of this is how avoidable it is. Butch's father died from cirrhosis of the liver when Butch was just a boy, his brother died of it a few years ago while only in his mid to late 30's, and now Butch himself is putting his sister through it all over again.

I can't tell you how my heart goes out to them all. To Therese for having to watch yet another of her family drink themselves to death, to Jake because he's going to lose his father before he ever has a chance to know him as a sober person, and especially to Butch himself, because he became a slave to the master...the master being his addiction. He has carried that ball and chain around his neck for more years than I can count....certainly at least 25 years now, for that is how old Jake is.

I remember, many years ago,when Butch and I were married, I asked him if he was worried about cirrhosis since his dad died of it, and he said it wouldn't happen to him. But it has, and it's slowly destroying his body.

If only HE could have learned about the gospel as I did. It could have saved his life too. I will ask Therese for her permission to do his Temple work when the time comes...and who knows...maybe by some major miracle, Jake will actually be able to be the one who goes to the Temple to do it for him.

I have not loved Butch for many, many years, but I do still care about him. He is the father of my son. A precious gift God gave to both of us to love and cherish. Sadly, he missed out on the opportunities of being a father to Jake.

I have told Jacob his entire life that he can NOT drink....even if it we weren't Mormons, he still CAN NOT drink, if he starts, he will be signing his own death certificate. He will be committing his own slow suicide.

I am so grateful for the words of the Prophets which counsel us not to partake of addictive substances, activities and vices. I am grateful for my sobriety of almost 17 years, and I pray to my Father in Heaven that Jake will have the strength to abstain from addictions, but alcohol in particular. I love my son and want him around for a heck of a long time!