ENOUGH ALREADY!

So there is a lady from church who basically doesn't agree with the way I am training my dog Riley...that's the bottom line....she doesn't think I'm doing a good enough job training him to be a service dog...so instead of calling me, or coming over and having a rational, adult conversation between two friends, she starts sending me text messages about it....23 of them to be exact between Nov 1st, 7th and 8th. 17 of them came in on the 7th. They were coming in so fast, I couldn't even read one of them when 3 more would come in....I texted back that she should call me so we could talk, but she ignored that and continued to text. I had a horrible panic attack because of them and the things she was saying. I could hardly believe that she was being so hateful over how I train my dog...which is NONE of her business anyway.

Dan kept telling me "just don't read them" but I couldn't seem to stop myself. Each message was painful and hurtful, and I became scared. There was a woman in our branch in Oregon who was a lot like this lady...she was needing a friend badly, she had some emotional issues but we took her under our wings and tried to be her friends, then one day, she turned on us and began spreading vile, vicious, evil lies about me. It tore me up emotionally, spiritually and even physically.

I have always had a hard time trusting people in general, but since joining the church, I have worked on that bad attitude of mine, and now here is this woman crushing all the hard work I had done to trust....so, several years later, I find myself facing the possiblity of the same situation. This person whom I had befriended, cared for and loved was suddenly being incredibly mean spirited to me, and I was afraid...no, I was terrified that I was going to be facing another situation like I had in Oregon, and I felt like I just CAN'T go through something like that again.

I had a mini-breakdown I guess you could call it...it was WAY worse than any panic attack I've ever experienced and my poor husband took such good care of me that day. He sat with me as I sobbed, he held my hands to keep me from digging my fingernails into my flesh, something I hadn't even realized I was doing until later when I saw blood on his shirt and asked where it came from.

I called my cell phone company and blocked this woman from being able to text or call me, and Dan has stated emphatically that ANY future communication from her would have to go through him first. He simply will NOT let her hurt me anymore.

So, for the next couple days, I surrounded myself with things I know to be safe...my husband, my son, the Elders, the scriptures and prayer. I didn't go anywhere and I kept the shades drawn so I could see who was at the door and they couldn't see me. I even kept the front door locked at all times, something we rarely do because we have such an open door policy with our friends and the singles we work with. I wrapped a cocoon of mental, emotional and spiritual safety around myself.

On Tuesday, Shelby called and asked if she could come over. She said she'd been thinking about me and just wanted to say hi...so she came, and we shared love and laughter together.

Then, yesterday, out of the blue, two other girls from the singles ward began texting me, saying they had been thinking about me the last few days and wanted to know if I was alright. Erin's first text said "Hey Sister Fritz, I've been thinking about you lately and just want you to know I love you". She had no idea what had been going on, but felt the need to reach out to me. They both felt that they needed to come see me, that something was wrong. Tannah just showed up with her amazing smile, laughter and miles of enthusasim for life. Just seeing her smile at the door made me feel better...soon after that Erin came over and we had a ball, just talking, laughing and goofing around! We talked about Tannah's man troubles, and Erin's family (I love her family, they are so awesome!) and as they expressed their love for me I felt like Heavenly Father was reaching down from Heaven through these two amazing friends and telling me Himself that He loves me and not to fear, He is always with me. And these two young amazing women, who live their lives so that they are in tune with the Spirit of the Lord, knew something was amiss and followed their hearts to come and help heal mine.

I love my Heavenly Father so much, I love that He knows what we need, and WHO we need, and WHEN we need them, and He sends them to us IF they are living their lives so they can be in tune to Him.

I will, of course, forgive the person who hurt me so deeply, but I will probably never let her close enough to hurt me like that again...Just because we forgive someone, doesn't mean we have to let them kick us again!

I am thankful for a husband who supports and defends me, who helps me through my trials and lifts me when I fall. I'm sorry for the person who hurt me so. Just a couple weeks ago, she sent me a text message saying that I was the only friend she'd had in 5+ years. Well, I guess I know why that is now...if she treats other people like she treated me, no one will want to be around her. That makes me sad for her. She is a lonely person, and loneliness is never fun. I pray for her and I pray that she can find her way through this life. I know Heavenly Father will guide her, IF she lets Him.